Old stories

This morning I cried. An old story came up and moved through me, ready to be released. First I went to my go to, trying to pick a fight with my husband over the current condition of the kitchen. I say “tried” as he wasn’t having any of it and called me out, asked me what I was really angry about. Making sure I wasn’t “hangry” I started eating an apple and cleaning up, first making the beds, then cleaning the kitchen while tears ran down my face. Cleaning my surroundings usually helps me cleaning my inside too, so I went on a search, guided by my emotions and the thoughts attached. Once I knew what exactly was ready to be let go I went over to my man, apologised, explained what had come up for me and asked him if he could hold me while I cried. We stood together for about five minutes. Then he took the three older ones out to give me some space and I continued cleaning and crying until Robin woke up. Now I’m lying here, holding our baby boy, drinking rose tea for my heart and listening to gentle, heart healing music and I feel how my healing around my abandonment story has already long moved through my body and I’m processing the collective abandonment felt right now caused through the forced physical distancing so many of us are going through right now. The grieving of the time we didn’t spend with those that are important to us. Questioning our priorities, rearranging them while thinking about all the opportunities lost and all the times we weren’t asked or didn’t ask: “Can we see each other? Can I come and do something for you? What do you need?” Processing old stories that bring up hurt, anger, sadness and all the other emotions connected to them can look different for you, my release is crying and sometimes, when it’s really hard to face, making really bad jokes to trigger release through laughter. Some people fart or yawn or sneeze ten times. Some need to move, run, dance, shake themselves out to move the energy through. Processing and purging is only one step of the process though. After you are done letting it move through you and out it’s time to decide how you will deal with those emotions in a safe way next time when a trigger shows up for this story. Because it will. Part of healing old hurt is knowing your stories and what triggers them and then writing a different ending, to learn to deal with those emotions keeping yourself and others safe. Holding yourself gently and being kind. And choosing to act differently going forward, staying present to what is instead of what has been. The current collective energy is challenging to navigate, especially when you are feeling it all and are going through your own personal healing as well right now, maybe even holding space for your partner and/or your children. I know that I sometimes process for my family and then cry for or with them while they go through things. Be gentle with yourself sweet Soul. You’re doing enough by being, walking bravely your Soulpath every day. I’m right there with you by your side, walking mine! May your life be filled with Flow,

Annika x