A tea-and-journal-date (almost) by myself

After almost four days of solo-parenting my two boys under five on crutches at 30 weeks pregnant I felt the need for a breather. I don't often receive guidance through dreams, but last night I had a very vivid one around the topic I'm working through right now - friendships as adults in the age of social media. So I felt I needed to sort my thoughts by journaling and as I had to drive up to the city to collect a parcel I thought I make the most out of it. The plan was to drop both my sons off at the shopping centre play area for an hour to sit down and enjoy a tea. They loved it the last time they were there, the childminders are trained be lovely and I could just sit outside and journal and drink my tea in peace. We would all have fun, eat dinner there (no cooking and cleaning for me) and then head back home.

I prepared them on the drive, told them I would leave them there, but return after a little while. When it was time for me to leave my little guy was in tears. "No mama, don't go. I want to go with you!" I could feel his fear, with Daddy gone he needed me around. He couldn't let me out of sight. While his big brother was already knee deep in dinosaur toys and in a conversation with one of the minders I comforted my smally. "It will only be a short while, I'll be right outside." We tried me looking with him at the toys, getting interested and then being in tears again when I tried to say bye.

So I knelt down, explained to him that all I will do is sit outside, drink a tea and write in my book and if he wants to come with me he needs to sit there with me. He agreed and I said: "Okay, you can come with me so!". His face, his whole being lit up when he replied: "Yes? Really?"

And he sat there for an hour, looking around, telling me about the little movies on the big screen above the cinema, the baby at the table next to us, poured me more tea. Whenever he got jumpy I offered that I could bring him to the play area, so he can play with his brother and he remembered our deal and sat down again. "No mama, me sit here with you!"

I surrendered my grand plan and we spent a wonderful hour together and I even had time to journal a bit and get clear on my intentions moving forward into a fresh moon circle with the New Moon next week.

Our little ones...they sure teach us to surrender and how unpredictable and uncontrollable life really is. Instead of pushing or bribing him into staying, making this experience stressful for all involved and/or getting frustrated and being mad at him I loved him through his fear. By seeing him, hearing him and acknowledging him in his fear and working out a solution that served both our needs we all got in the end what we wanted. Plus I received gratitude and an incredible amount of love from him and he listened all the way through, as he felt heard.

I often compare our Ego, our Protective Maiden to a scared little kid, needing to be seen, heard, acknowledged and offered an incremental step in order to move forward. By practising compassion with this part of myself I now feel more comfortable in doing the same with my children without the old, planted fear of "spoiling them" creeping up. So hopefully they grow up offering the same compassion to their children - and the scared parts of themselves. ❤️

What are you scared of that you're trying to push away, that makes you feel frustrated? I invite you to look at that fear from a place of love and compassion instead and experience how a miraculous solution will appear! 🦋

Sending you Love&Light,

Annika x