Internal Urges

Exactly one year ago I faced one of my biggest shadows emerging, ready to be healed. I remember this morning, lying on my yoga mat after my practise, unable to move, to look after my children or myself for that matter, longing for alone time longer than 30 minutes.

Memories had been rising up, all connected to my suicide attempts ten years ago. The deeply rooted feeling of being alone in the world. My parents, turning away in overwhelm. Me desperately wanting to leave this world, desperate enough to disappoint the only people that liked me at that time of my life by taking advantage of them.

“All I want is warm sunshine on my skin and the ocean around me”, I said to my husband in the evening. “Okay”, he said. I looked at him in disbelief, then I went upstairs to do my client calls scheduled for that evening. When I was done Dennis came in and showed me pictures of Alicante in Spain. He had everything planned and ready to be booked, he just wanted to make sure I liked it. I was a puddle of tears. In two weeks time I would have 5 days to myself in Spain, by the ocean.

Two weeks later on my first morning there I went to the beach and I went into the water and danced with the waves for almost two hours. I forgave my younger self for trying to end my life and my tears mixed with the salt water around me as my friend, the ocean, gently swayed me from side to side. I welcomed my 19 year old self back, not separated anymore and felt ready to face who I was today, not hating myself anymore for the decisions I made a decade ago. The end result of this healing trip, meeting others, showing me that I can work with anyone, no matter where they are in their journey, was me stepping further into my Truth. And receiving a new name by my dear friend Sara, who kindly took time to help me with the words I couldn’t find. On the 5th of October she handed me my new name: the Light Maiden.

This is just one of many stories where an internal urge, a deep desire, led me exactly where I needed to go to leap forward into a new reality. All of this wouldn't have happened if I didn't surrender, received and went into action.

What do you desire the most right now? What do you KNOW needs to be done?

Go and do it, sweet Soul, at least take the first step by speaking it out loud. I promise, it's worth it.

Sending you Love&Light on your path,

Annika x