Staying in indecision is also a decision

For the last couple of days I had a repeating thought. I kept thinking “I’ve lost my Joy”. I couldn’t think of ANYTHING that made me even slightly excited or joyful. Of course, law of attraction in full blown mode I got less and less excited about everything that was coming my way. Yesterday evening I caught the thought, examined it and decided it was not true. I might have suppressed my Joy for the last couple of days after making some big steps on my Soul Path, because my Protective Maiden got scared of the massive momentum we suddenly had again, just by showing up and sharing all of me. That doesn't mean I’ve lost it.

And then I heard it, loud and clear: “YOU DECIDE”. In every moment you decide which version of yourself you act out. From which place you speak. It’s your decision if you want to stay in the old, the familiar, the struggling, the survival mode. The mode where Joy needs to be earned HARD and only last short periods of time. It doesn’t have to be this way. And when you start believing that you can have it good all the time, that live is beautiful and exciting and unpredictable and miraculous in that way, evidence will show up.

I decide. Because I am the creator of my own reality. And now, like many times before in my life, I’m standing in front of a blank canvas, as everything I had created in my mind is already done and here. And I need to decide again: What’s next? Where do I put my focus, my time, my heart?

The answer is simple right now. Into the book. This book, my book still scares me. But at the moment it’s the only thing I really want to create. And the urge is getting stronger and the stronger the urge is the more my Protective Maiden is freaking out, creating resistance. But I’m not only her. There is so much more that I am. I am Light. I am Love. I’m a leader, a creator. I’m powerful, I’m magical, I’m strong.

My guides showed me yesterday that I need to decide. One of the main things my Soul wants to experience in this life time is making decisions. Over and over and over again. I drifted off to sleep, but awoke several times in the night and then this morning with these words in my head: “YOU DECIDE”. So I decided. There will be no day from now on that I won’t show up to write this book until it’s finished. I have tiptoed around it. I started many times. I stopped many times. I pushed it away. Enough. Right now, to show up as the best version of myself every day, in every moment, I need to let this book come through. Enjoying the process and the revelations, detached from the outcome.

I can see the canvas, representing my next goals, my dreams, my vision, filling up with other things, while I write the book. When the book is finished it will be a little seed planted in the middle of the canvas and everything will grow around it. That’s what sometimes happens. The Universe takes away all the other options. To make sure that we see what needs to be done. In this case it took away the option of me getting excited over ANY food or ANY story written/told by someone else.

Until I decide. Here is to hoping that my appetite and love for gorgeous food will come back as soon as this cold lifts and my decision deeply grounds into my being.

You know, I had a choice. That’s the beauty of the human experience. We have our free will. We can chose to walk our Soul’s Path OR not to. In my case not walking it would mean not writing, giving up on the Light Maiden, retreating, hiding, numbing myself out. This is not the choice I make. Not in this lifetime.

When the Universe gets impatient with you and gives you a bit of a push down a specific road you still can chose to not surrender. To push back. To fight. To struggle. And most likely you’ll survive. And you will never know how easy and in flow life can be if you chose not to. What do you chose? How do you decide? Because YOU DECIDE! Sending you Love&Light and the strength to drop into your Truth and make your decisions from there,

Annika x